Wednesday, August 06, 2008

sentimental post~~~

WARNING!! this is a sentimental post you may loathe this post
yesterday (last nighe to be precise), i was in the mood for blogs browsing. then i came across this. it was in the http://farisian9600.blogspot.com/ i always know that i'm a sensitive girl. but i just dont know that when it comes to my dear ex-secondary school.. i become so weak at the heart.. i went to kelantan some time in 2007 and got a chance to visit the school on they way back from abe ijey's house it was not really a visit actually. we (anie and i) were just peeking from outside the school compound. and i think the guard was a bit suspicious with our presence. hehe.. well.. i always on the verge of shedding tears whenever i miss the school.. i am so clueless. why? of course i love my school but crying?? that's too much. isn't it? same thing happened last night when i watched the clip click here. my eyes produce few drops of tears. i am just so clueless. obviously there is something beyond logical explanation to my issue. as if unconsciusly, i'm deeply connected to my past but i just have no idea. my emotional expression was quite extreme for 'naughty' student that i used to be. one thing for sure and i know for sure: i am sensitive and sentimental.. but some times (or most of the time) i do not show it.. i really miss my friends.. *sigh*
. . .
i was in the lab today and saw this OHP (overhead projector) that reminded me to cikgu ghazi. the OHP has not been used for years since teachers usually use the LCD projectors. but the lab assistant told me that the OHP is still can be used. so, being sentimental, i asked the lab assistant to clean the dust. i was obviously jovial today that my spirit level rises to the maximum. and i feel that using the OHP is more practical for showing the calculation isntead of the LCD projector. how i miss those old days.. :'(
the OHP with my notes on it. i took this pics after the class :))
this is an old stuff :)) so my students helped me to fix this part so that i could use it for them.. i'm happy to share my past with them..
hurm... life must go on :) memories remain.. :)) . . .

productive day :D

okay.. i started my day with an ok mood :) yay for not having arghh-i'm-so-lazy-today mood. the form 5 students are sitting for the EXCEL 2 exam until the next tuesday. hooray for that. that means i can use the time allocated for the t&l preps to do my panitia filing system. officers from unit jaminan kualiti or something sounds like that will be observing our school on this 14 august. so, all the ketua panitia and the secretaries are now busy updating the content of files. i myself have 23 files to look for. 22 are from the panitia sains and 1 is for the kelab sukan & rekreasi. ok. enough for the introduction. so, i started replacing the old yellowish file with the new one. mind you, it was not my rajin attitude to change the file. even though it sounds easy, but trust me... i rather teaching for straight 10 periods. every time i took out the file's content, i realize something was missing. being a perfectionist i think i am a perfectionist cos i want everything to be perfect i am (which is in my opinion is not very helpful in situation like this), i tried to find the missing pieces. senior teachers told me i don't have to push myself looking for something which is papers for the previous years since the panitia was handed to me only in 2008.. this is how i realized i'm a perfectionist. that's why i'm not excel in most of things. *sigh* ok. never mind about that. so, i stayed back until 5pm but still, i haven't finished with the filing. heheheh *wink* hm.. what is the purpose of this post?? oh yes.. actually i just want to show u some pics of the clutterness of my desk...hihi.. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen. this is my desk.. (boooooo!!!) T___T it is an object where you can put two bottles of water, glue, purse and to add on the decor, put the banana fritters on your wallet.. hehe.. i took this photo after i had my lunch. i felt so hopeless to mind about the mess. my goal was "complete the filing" which obviously i failed. owh. by the way. i was tumpang my neighbour's desk.. hehe.. she was already going back home.. so i just tumpang la.. heheh.. hurm.. even in this pic the desks look ridiculously small for teachers. i wonder when we'll get a bigger table... p/s : i've clear the mess before i left home.. in case you are wondering la... ;) ...

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

forgive vs forget

people forgive and forget. me? i forgive.. but never forget (despite how much i've tried) i hate to say but yes.. maybe i'm a malicious. or the cut was too deep to heal.. or maybe i'm traumatized.. or maybe i'm just plain stupid.. or.. what ever.. .... enough of my endless angry entry.. hihi.. i'm nut.. ok.. few updates.. i'm going for a camping end of this week.. from friday to sunday.. i love camping.. but for leisure.. i'm not into that kind of 'rambo' camping.. kind of survival camp.. 'eat what you can get', sleep where you can lie'.. and sort of that thing. i love sleeping in the tent.. going for sight seeing.. bathing in the river (no leech pleeesaee).. and do simple activity like abseiling. i'm not interested in flying fox. boring. one more thing.. i wish i can stay under a tree reading my fav novel without having to worry about the lesson plan T___T, teaching preps, meetings, marking books etc.. and rowing down the river.. floating along the stream.. listening to bird chirping.. soft sun rays on my face.. listening to the sound of flowing river.. its so heaven, isn't it? :) hurm.... see.. i still have beauty inside of me :) its just that i get upset easily ...

Monday, August 04, 2008

@>---

it's always about me.. i always think that being 'me' is always the hardest part.. i don't know why is it so hard to please everybody and myself.. i was hurt before and now i hurt people around me.. and then i hurt myself.. things keep going round and round in circle.. going nowhere.. at least that is what i think.. i am an angry person.. i'm mad with situation around me.. i'm mad with people around me.. i'm mad with myself for being grumpy almost all the time.. i blame it on others for making me mad.. and feel sorry for those who i've taken out my anger on them.. and those people will mad at me.. and i'm sad cause they don't know that i'm not mad at them.. i'm sad cause i thought they understand me.. and i'm sad cause i know nobody deserves to be treated that way... i want them to know that i need help.. even when i didn't say a word.. just to stop this madness.. and what should i do now.. i'm the hurt person.. that hurt myself.. and people around me.. ....

people who are hurt will hurt

so it says... i was watching a program on tv.. Oprah maybe.. i couldn't remember.. it was something about how people who was living life in hell manage to survive and get better life.. i am more interested in a quote said by the guest "people who hurt hurt" simply mean people who are hurt might or will hurt others. its true.. people who've been hurt and abused physically and mentally will do the same to other people. and the 'other people' who are hurt will hurt other people and this other people will hurt other and it goes on like a curse. but hurting people doesn't always satisfy the 'hurter'. sometimes unconsciously they might hurt people they dear and love the most and in other way, they are hurt themselves. again. what goes around comes around. ...

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

sentimental post~~~

WARNING!! this is a sentimental post you may loathe this post
yesterday (last nighe to be precise), i was in the mood for blogs browsing. then i came across this. it was in the http://farisian9600.blogspot.com/ i always know that i'm a sensitive girl. but i just dont know that when it comes to my dear ex-secondary school.. i become so weak at the heart.. i went to kelantan some time in 2007 and got a chance to visit the school on they way back from abe ijey's house it was not really a visit actually. we (anie and i) were just peeking from outside the school compound. and i think the guard was a bit suspicious with our presence. hehe.. well.. i always on the verge of shedding tears whenever i miss the school.. i am so clueless. why? of course i love my school but crying?? that's too much. isn't it? same thing happened last night when i watched the clip click here. my eyes produce few drops of tears. i am just so clueless. obviously there is something beyond logical explanation to my issue. as if unconsciusly, i'm deeply connected to my past but i just have no idea. my emotional expression was quite extreme for 'naughty' student that i used to be. one thing for sure and i know for sure: i am sensitive and sentimental.. but some times (or most of the time) i do not show it.. i really miss my friends.. *sigh*
. . .
i was in the lab today and saw this OHP (overhead projector) that reminded me to cikgu ghazi. the OHP has not been used for years since teachers usually use the LCD projectors. but the lab assistant told me that the OHP is still can be used. so, being sentimental, i asked the lab assistant to clean the dust. i was obviously jovial today that my spirit level rises to the maximum. and i feel that using the OHP is more practical for showing the calculation isntead of the LCD projector. how i miss those old days.. :'(
the OHP with my notes on it. i took this pics after the class :))
this is an old stuff :)) so my students helped me to fix this part so that i could use it for them.. i'm happy to share my past with them..
hurm... life must go on :) memories remain.. :)) . . .

productive day :D

okay.. i started my day with an ok mood :) yay for not having arghh-i'm-so-lazy-today mood. the form 5 students are sitting for the EXCEL 2 exam until the next tuesday. hooray for that. that means i can use the time allocated for the t&l preps to do my panitia filing system. officers from unit jaminan kualiti or something sounds like that will be observing our school on this 14 august. so, all the ketua panitia and the secretaries are now busy updating the content of files. i myself have 23 files to look for. 22 are from the panitia sains and 1 is for the kelab sukan & rekreasi. ok. enough for the introduction. so, i started replacing the old yellowish file with the new one. mind you, it was not my rajin attitude to change the file. even though it sounds easy, but trust me... i rather teaching for straight 10 periods. every time i took out the file's content, i realize something was missing. being a perfectionist i think i am a perfectionist cos i want everything to be perfect i am (which is in my opinion is not very helpful in situation like this), i tried to find the missing pieces. senior teachers told me i don't have to push myself looking for something which is papers for the previous years since the panitia was handed to me only in 2008.. this is how i realized i'm a perfectionist. that's why i'm not excel in most of things. *sigh* ok. never mind about that. so, i stayed back until 5pm but still, i haven't finished with the filing. heheheh *wink* hm.. what is the purpose of this post?? oh yes.. actually i just want to show u some pics of the clutterness of my desk...hihi.. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen. this is my desk.. (boooooo!!!) T___T it is an object where you can put two bottles of water, glue, purse and to add on the decor, put the banana fritters on your wallet.. hehe.. i took this photo after i had my lunch. i felt so hopeless to mind about the mess. my goal was "complete the filing" which obviously i failed. owh. by the way. i was tumpang my neighbour's desk.. hehe.. she was already going back home.. so i just tumpang la.. heheh.. hurm.. even in this pic the desks look ridiculously small for teachers. i wonder when we'll get a bigger table... p/s : i've clear the mess before i left home.. in case you are wondering la... ;) ...

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

forgive vs forget

people forgive and forget. me? i forgive.. but never forget (despite how much i've tried) i hate to say but yes.. maybe i'm a malicious. or the cut was too deep to heal.. or maybe i'm traumatized.. or maybe i'm just plain stupid.. or.. what ever.. .... enough of my endless angry entry.. hihi.. i'm nut.. ok.. few updates.. i'm going for a camping end of this week.. from friday to sunday.. i love camping.. but for leisure.. i'm not into that kind of 'rambo' camping.. kind of survival camp.. 'eat what you can get', sleep where you can lie'.. and sort of that thing. i love sleeping in the tent.. going for sight seeing.. bathing in the river (no leech pleeesaee).. and do simple activity like abseiling. i'm not interested in flying fox. boring. one more thing.. i wish i can stay under a tree reading my fav novel without having to worry about the lesson plan T___T, teaching preps, meetings, marking books etc.. and rowing down the river.. floating along the stream.. listening to bird chirping.. soft sun rays on my face.. listening to the sound of flowing river.. its so heaven, isn't it? :) hurm.... see.. i still have beauty inside of me :) its just that i get upset easily ...

Monday, August 04, 2008

@>---

it's always about me.. i always think that being 'me' is always the hardest part.. i don't know why is it so hard to please everybody and myself.. i was hurt before and now i hurt people around me.. and then i hurt myself.. things keep going round and round in circle.. going nowhere.. at least that is what i think.. i am an angry person.. i'm mad with situation around me.. i'm mad with people around me.. i'm mad with myself for being grumpy almost all the time.. i blame it on others for making me mad.. and feel sorry for those who i've taken out my anger on them.. and those people will mad at me.. and i'm sad cause they don't know that i'm not mad at them.. i'm sad cause i thought they understand me.. and i'm sad cause i know nobody deserves to be treated that way... i want them to know that i need help.. even when i didn't say a word.. just to stop this madness.. and what should i do now.. i'm the hurt person.. that hurt myself.. and people around me.. ....

people who are hurt will hurt

so it says... i was watching a program on tv.. Oprah maybe.. i couldn't remember.. it was something about how people who was living life in hell manage to survive and get better life.. i am more interested in a quote said by the guest "people who hurt hurt" simply mean people who are hurt might or will hurt others. its true.. people who've been hurt and abused physically and mentally will do the same to other people. and the 'other people' who are hurt will hurt other people and this other people will hurt other and it goes on like a curse. but hurting people doesn't always satisfy the 'hurter'. sometimes unconsciously they might hurt people they dear and love the most and in other way, they are hurt themselves. again. what goes around comes around. ...