moments that i wasn't proud of

I was browsing trough my old emails. there were two or three emails that reminds me of my past and my fingers are itching to write something about it.

Please don't mind my english as it's been a very long time since i practice this language.

Well, I'm not interested to tell the whole story in my past that i wasn't proud of. Better that way. Not that I'm afraid of the past but it is just not the main point of this post.

The emails just remind me of how fragile I was and how close I was to lose my real self. For those beautiful and precious friends who share the teenage life with me, they know how some event in my Uni life almost changed me.

But, Alhamdulillah, Allah tests me the which I think made me suffered for years and in a blink He gave me the hikmah at the end. But still... I lost few friends along the suffering. Not really losing them.. but maybe they just try to avoid me? I don't know. But I dont mind, or may be I do mind because I care about them but I don't blame them because I know they didn't see the whole picture. In fact, some of them still don't. But it doesn't matter right now.

I just hope that I could get back years that I've lost hiding and avoiding. I just want them to know that I have my own way soothing myself not that I'm being selfish.

I just hope that even though they don't know the story from my side and I know they will never know because I'm not reopening the past; they will brush all the unpleasant memories.

I was that girl who believed that life would be beautiful with love.. and it was true indeed.

Sayang, thanks for bring out the best in me again and restore my true self. I love you. Always.